Thursday, August 16, 2012
Dear Diary,
I know it is not a diary but still i am gonna just take it as one.I have changed my blog to this. the previous one is meant and will be for future memories purpose.
I'm not fine, despite i look like i am. I'm not happy despite the fact i am. But the thing is i've think it through. It's not worth getting myself so upset and unhappy just because of what others say.
Don't you think is hilarious? I mean people who put in so much effort into one thing and they get their desired results and all they get from the people they care and love, whom we call FRIENDS are not supporting enough? They jeer on you, they make fun of you and they give you comments so bad that it's as though they were piercing through your heart.
I mean it is okay to joke around and all but you know, or I know, that they weren't joking. To be honest, I am not perfect, but i choose to take the harder way and achieve what I desire to accomplish. I have put in a 200% hard work and effort into everything. So just for that i deserve to be mocked at? I deserve to be faced with all these comments of you people?
I understand everyone is looking out for only themselves, I mean even though it is not morally right but isn't it the truth? But I, I choose to look out for everyone i care and to feel for them, but what do i get in the end? All i get is mockery, sarcasm, loath and even gossips behind my back. Well, this is the end. This is the end of me being nice, well not trying to say I will be bad and all but yes, I will stop caring, I will stop looking for everyone but myself and the ones I love and those who deserves it.
But it takes time, it takes time for me to see through the colours of many. I nearly cried today at one point, going through all these thoughts in my head. I cannot bring myself to believe that friends around me are not supportive.
I spoke to my mum and she said: they are just jealous, they are intimidated by you and your results, try to understand them. I replied: what am I supposed to do? To purposely bring down my grades just to make sure my friends won't isolate me or look me in the different way?
Maybe I am overreacting and all but hey, these are my thoughts and feelings, if you beg a differ, say it to me nicely. They are still gonna be my friends, but I'm gonna stay silent, not gonna give anymore comments on them, not gonna torture myself.
Now, all i have is my studies, my work and family. Friends.. I have them but I will need time to bring my faith back, to make sure I can care for them.
However, not all of my friends like this though, some are sweet and nice and all, one of them felt the aura and texted me. I thank her for that concern and I appreciate that.
I will always remember to no longer be naive and trust, I need to step out of that thought and see who are truly my friends. Today has been a memorable day, too memorable. I will remember those who stood up for me and those who step me in the face..
PS: Its not that I'm not appreciative, it's just that too many things have cause the loss of faith and confidence. Keep that in mind.
MrDelena
I know it is not a diary but still i am gonna just take it as one.I have changed my blog to this. the previous one is meant and will be for future memories purpose.
I'm not fine, despite i look like i am. I'm not happy despite the fact i am. But the thing is i've think it through. It's not worth getting myself so upset and unhappy just because of what others say.
Don't you think is hilarious? I mean people who put in so much effort into one thing and they get their desired results and all they get from the people they care and love, whom we call FRIENDS are not supporting enough? They jeer on you, they make fun of you and they give you comments so bad that it's as though they were piercing through your heart.
I mean it is okay to joke around and all but you know, or I know, that they weren't joking. To be honest, I am not perfect, but i choose to take the harder way and achieve what I desire to accomplish. I have put in a 200% hard work and effort into everything. So just for that i deserve to be mocked at? I deserve to be faced with all these comments of you people?
I understand everyone is looking out for only themselves, I mean even though it is not morally right but isn't it the truth? But I, I choose to look out for everyone i care and to feel for them, but what do i get in the end? All i get is mockery, sarcasm, loath and even gossips behind my back. Well, this is the end. This is the end of me being nice, well not trying to say I will be bad and all but yes, I will stop caring, I will stop looking for everyone but myself and the ones I love and those who deserves it.
But it takes time, it takes time for me to see through the colours of many. I nearly cried today at one point, going through all these thoughts in my head. I cannot bring myself to believe that friends around me are not supportive.
I spoke to my mum and she said: they are just jealous, they are intimidated by you and your results, try to understand them. I replied: what am I supposed to do? To purposely bring down my grades just to make sure my friends won't isolate me or look me in the different way?
Maybe I am overreacting and all but hey, these are my thoughts and feelings, if you beg a differ, say it to me nicely. They are still gonna be my friends, but I'm gonna stay silent, not gonna give anymore comments on them, not gonna torture myself.
Now, all i have is my studies, my work and family. Friends.. I have them but I will need time to bring my faith back, to make sure I can care for them.
However, not all of my friends like this though, some are sweet and nice and all, one of them felt the aura and texted me. I thank her for that concern and I appreciate that.
I will always remember to no longer be naive and trust, I need to step out of that thought and see who are truly my friends. Today has been a memorable day, too memorable. I will remember those who stood up for me and those who step me in the face..
PS: Its not that I'm not appreciative, it's just that too many things have cause the loss of faith and confidence. Keep that in mind.
MrDelena
what we could have been, 11:19 PM.
