Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Dear Diary,
today has been... well a normal day. I have succeeded in dragging myself of my bed and wash up, ready for school. To study of course. You have no idea how motivated i was to just sit in the library and complete all my revisions. And i did . :)
Remember what i said about how complex humans are? How they are mostly two-faced and how they look after only themselves and no one else? Well, today i have learnt that this is the truth. One true friend has told me about how someone blames me for the drop in his/her results. Well, I am most disheartened. I mean i was so happy and glad that i had such a group to complete all our projects and assignments. But why is there arrows of blame when results are reflected?
Never had I blamed anyone for anything. One might say: with your results, what are there for you to blame and hold grudge for? Hey, whoever who said that please get this in your head, i can blame people and things but i choose not to. Not because I am self-righteous but i find it rather useless and redundant to do so. We did things together, and we bear the consequences together. That has always been the principle and belief i thought everyone holds. But why is there a difference from what i believe? Have i been too naive?
Why is there blames when things turn the opposite way, but never a thank you when things are beneficial to you. They stretch their hands out when they needed help but they will never say thank you after you have provided them with what is essential. This is Human.
I will no longer put in trust for all. This is it.
MrDelena
today has been... well a normal day. I have succeeded in dragging myself of my bed and wash up, ready for school. To study of course. You have no idea how motivated i was to just sit in the library and complete all my revisions. And i did . :)
Remember what i said about how complex humans are? How they are mostly two-faced and how they look after only themselves and no one else? Well, today i have learnt that this is the truth. One true friend has told me about how someone blames me for the drop in his/her results. Well, I am most disheartened. I mean i was so happy and glad that i had such a group to complete all our projects and assignments. But why is there arrows of blame when results are reflected?
Never had I blamed anyone for anything. One might say: with your results, what are there for you to blame and hold grudge for? Hey, whoever who said that please get this in your head, i can blame people and things but i choose not to. Not because I am self-righteous but i find it rather useless and redundant to do so. We did things together, and we bear the consequences together. That has always been the principle and belief i thought everyone holds. But why is there a difference from what i believe? Have i been too naive?
Why is there blames when things turn the opposite way, but never a thank you when things are beneficial to you. They stretch their hands out when they needed help but they will never say thank you after you have provided them with what is essential. This is Human.
I will no longer put in trust for all. This is it.
MrDelena
what we could have been, 10:28 AM.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Dear Diary,
I know it is not a diary but still i am gonna just take it as one.I have changed my blog to this. the previous one is meant and will be for future memories purpose.
I'm not fine, despite i look like i am. I'm not happy despite the fact i am. But the thing is i've think it through. It's not worth getting myself so upset and unhappy just because of what others say.
Don't you think is hilarious? I mean people who put in so much effort into one thing and they get their desired results and all they get from the people they care and love, whom we call FRIENDS are not supporting enough? They jeer on you, they make fun of you and they give you comments so bad that it's as though they were piercing through your heart.
I mean it is okay to joke around and all but you know, or I know, that they weren't joking. To be honest, I am not perfect, but i choose to take the harder way and achieve what I desire to accomplish. I have put in a 200% hard work and effort into everything. So just for that i deserve to be mocked at? I deserve to be faced with all these comments of you people?
I understand everyone is looking out for only themselves, I mean even though it is not morally right but isn't it the truth? But I, I choose to look out for everyone i care and to feel for them, but what do i get in the end? All i get is mockery, sarcasm, loath and even gossips behind my back. Well, this is the end. This is the end of me being nice, well not trying to say I will be bad and all but yes, I will stop caring, I will stop looking for everyone but myself and the ones I love and those who deserves it.
But it takes time, it takes time for me to see through the colours of many. I nearly cried today at one point, going through all these thoughts in my head. I cannot bring myself to believe that friends around me are not supportive.
I spoke to my mum and she said: they are just jealous, they are intimidated by you and your results, try to understand them. I replied: what am I supposed to do? To purposely bring down my grades just to make sure my friends won't isolate me or look me in the different way?
Maybe I am overreacting and all but hey, these are my thoughts and feelings, if you beg a differ, say it to me nicely. They are still gonna be my friends, but I'm gonna stay silent, not gonna give anymore comments on them, not gonna torture myself.
Now, all i have is my studies, my work and family. Friends.. I have them but I will need time to bring my faith back, to make sure I can care for them.
However, not all of my friends like this though, some are sweet and nice and all, one of them felt the aura and texted me. I thank her for that concern and I appreciate that.
I will always remember to no longer be naive and trust, I need to step out of that thought and see who are truly my friends. Today has been a memorable day, too memorable. I will remember those who stood up for me and those who step me in the face..
PS: Its not that I'm not appreciative, it's just that too many things have cause the loss of faith and confidence. Keep that in mind.
MrDelena
I know it is not a diary but still i am gonna just take it as one.I have changed my blog to this. the previous one is meant and will be for future memories purpose.
I'm not fine, despite i look like i am. I'm not happy despite the fact i am. But the thing is i've think it through. It's not worth getting myself so upset and unhappy just because of what others say.
Don't you think is hilarious? I mean people who put in so much effort into one thing and they get their desired results and all they get from the people they care and love, whom we call FRIENDS are not supporting enough? They jeer on you, they make fun of you and they give you comments so bad that it's as though they were piercing through your heart.
I mean it is okay to joke around and all but you know, or I know, that they weren't joking. To be honest, I am not perfect, but i choose to take the harder way and achieve what I desire to accomplish. I have put in a 200% hard work and effort into everything. So just for that i deserve to be mocked at? I deserve to be faced with all these comments of you people?
I understand everyone is looking out for only themselves, I mean even though it is not morally right but isn't it the truth? But I, I choose to look out for everyone i care and to feel for them, but what do i get in the end? All i get is mockery, sarcasm, loath and even gossips behind my back. Well, this is the end. This is the end of me being nice, well not trying to say I will be bad and all but yes, I will stop caring, I will stop looking for everyone but myself and the ones I love and those who deserves it.
But it takes time, it takes time for me to see through the colours of many. I nearly cried today at one point, going through all these thoughts in my head. I cannot bring myself to believe that friends around me are not supportive.
I spoke to my mum and she said: they are just jealous, they are intimidated by you and your results, try to understand them. I replied: what am I supposed to do? To purposely bring down my grades just to make sure my friends won't isolate me or look me in the different way?
Maybe I am overreacting and all but hey, these are my thoughts and feelings, if you beg a differ, say it to me nicely. They are still gonna be my friends, but I'm gonna stay silent, not gonna give anymore comments on them, not gonna torture myself.
Now, all i have is my studies, my work and family. Friends.. I have them but I will need time to bring my faith back, to make sure I can care for them.
However, not all of my friends like this though, some are sweet and nice and all, one of them felt the aura and texted me. I thank her for that concern and I appreciate that.
I will always remember to no longer be naive and trust, I need to step out of that thought and see who are truly my friends. Today has been a memorable day, too memorable. I will remember those who stood up for me and those who step me in the face..
PS: Its not that I'm not appreciative, it's just that too many things have cause the loss of faith and confidence. Keep that in mind.
MrDelena
what we could have been, 11:19 PM.
